No Longer Dead

There was a running skit on Saturday Night Live several years ago that poked fun at industrious immigrants to the USA and the number of jobs they managed to piece together to earn what might amount to a living. The characters in question were Korean and they would boast, “I have seven job.” “I have twelve job”. Well, just a few more “job” and I will officially be Korean. I work the Meadowlands, supervising a pantry so that people who could afford to see Jets and Giants games in the most expensive way imaginable get their food on time, at the right temperature and attractively presented. I don’t mind the job, demanding as it is; the time flies and I find myself back in the car after a mere 13 hours with feet throbbing a mantra as insistent as the buzz of a neon sign about to blow. I work for two theatre companies in addition to the one I am trying to start. This is at one time challenging and educational. The problem is that, being a fairly ethical person, I feel guilty if I keep any of what I learn for my own company while I am researching on their time. I try to stay present, concentrating only on what is before me and turning it off as soon as I finish a task. It is an interesting process that leaves me exhausted but unable to sleep. Right now I am waiting for my half of an Ambien to kick in and give me at least six uninterrupted hours. My dreams have been wild, filled with odd travel arrangements and strange bedfellows. I have moved into several variations of my childhood home, been on ships, planes, flown without a plane, and mingled with people who are long gone. My mother, who believes that dreams have meaning, would ask me if they gave me anything. I’m not sure. But I do know if has felt very good to see them all- my Bubby, my Dad… In a few weeks I will get even busier and will need to focus more than ever. I can do this. I may have to tune out a thing or two… a person or two… but that’s another story. The Lexapro is helping. I am not overwhelmed. I think I am no longer dead.

Ah Levai

I’m not quite sure what the literal translation of “Ah levai” is but my grandmother used to say it a lot. I understand the context. I think it means something like “Thanks to God”. “Ah levai, we should all be healthy.” “Ah levai, I hope this works out.” It is used interchangeably in my vocabulary with “From your mouth to God’s ears.” That is to say, “I sure hope this happens.”

It’s been a good summer, and I don’t mean to speak of it as if it already over, being that it is barely the middle of August, but it seems like it has been summer for a long while now and, yes, it has been good. I wanted to run two three-week sessions of my summer workshop for kids but I am pleased with the success of the single program I was able to fill with 25 students. As a result of the shortened work schedule, I was able to spend a few days visiting my Mom in Florida and basking in the warm salt waters of the southern Atlantic, an absolutely delicious experience. I returned to audition for Long Wharf Theatre which went well and was followed by a call from dear friends to spend a long weekend in the Hamptons. We tossed some things in a bag and ferried over Long Island Sound, a much better idea than bucking the traffic on the Long Island Expressway on a Friday. With waters about 20 degrees cooler than I had been used to, I still basked in the waters of the Atlantic, although it did take a full minute before I could catch my breath in the chill. Upon returning home, I got word that my unemployment insurance has finally, completely expired. I am now fully dependent on the string of part-time jobs I have pieced together. Ah levai it will be enough. We always seem to be one step ahead of the wolf at the door. Ah levai that will continue. I auditioned at Hartford Stage today and ah levai that will be productive. My son has had interviews at Danbury and Hartford Hospitals for his final year of grad school and ah levai will graduate in May with a Master’s Degree in something he enjoys doing that will bring him a security we have never known. In the meantime, he is moving back home to save money. Ah levai we can all live together after all these years without wanting to kill each other and/or ourselves. He’s on his way with a carload of clothes and books and I am sort of excited about the year ahead. Ah levai it will be a good one. Ah levai.