No Longer Dead

There was a running skit on Saturday Night Live several years ago that poked fun at industrious immigrants to the USA and the number of jobs they managed to piece together to earn what might amount to a living. The characters in question were Korean and they would boast, “I have seven job.” “I have twelve job”. Well, just a few more “job” and I will officially be Korean. I work the Meadowlands, supervising a pantry so that people who could afford to see Jets and Giants games in the most expensive way imaginable get their food on time, at the right temperature and attractively presented. I don’t mind the job, demanding as it is; the time flies and I find myself back in the car after a mere 13 hours with feet throbbing a mantra as insistent as the buzz of a neon sign about to blow. I work for two theatre companies in addition to the one I am trying to start. This is at one time challenging and educational. The problem is that, being a fairly ethical person, I feel guilty if I keep any of what I learn for my own company while I am researching on their time. I try to stay present, concentrating only on what is before me and turning it off as soon as I finish a task. It is an interesting process that leaves me exhausted but unable to sleep. Right now I am waiting for my half of an Ambien to kick in and give me at least six uninterrupted hours. My dreams have been wild, filled with odd travel arrangements and strange bedfellows. I have moved into several variations of my childhood home, been on ships, planes, flown without a plane, and mingled with people who are long gone. My mother, who believes that dreams have meaning, would ask me if they gave me anything. I’m not sure. But I do know if has felt very good to see them all- my Bubby, my Dad… In a few weeks I will get even busier and will need to focus more than ever. I can do this. I may have to tune out a thing or two… a person or two… but that’s another story. The Lexapro is helping. I am not overwhelmed. I think I am no longer dead.