I'm done!

I give up. I just lost out on a role because I “looked too young”. Then they cast someone who is about 10 years younger than I am. I should be flattered but I am so pissed off that vanity can’t get a toe-hold in my dark mood. What’s the point of anything? What’s the point of dieting to be thinner? Of using face cream to keep those wrinkles away? I should just blow up and look like shit and maybe then I could catch a break! By the time I get to play roles my age I'll be too old and feeble to learn the lines!

I don’t know what to do anymore. It’s been too long and my arms are tired from treading all this water. I need to let go but letting go means surrendering to a power I no longer believe in. When I hung up the phone having received this left-handed compliment I drained the remaining ice-cream in the freezer and polished off the rest of last night’s bottle of wine. Stick a fork in me; I’m done.