Reunion

I’m a little nervous this morning. I’m about to travel into the city to meet three high school friends who I haven’t seen in over 40 years. What’s so scary about that you ask? Well, in thinking about it, I realized I hadn’t really been “friends” with them in the first place. I can’t recall a single social instance, beyond attending classes, perhaps sharing a lunchroom table. I can’t recall a single thing we had in common. Oddly enough, I recently connected with another classmate who I also had nothing in common with, only to discover that, now, we have a lot in common! But then? We barely knew each other. I was in the drama club. And I had a boyfriend. Those two things consumed every my every thought. I hadn’t even realized that this person actually did a show with me. I never saw beyond my own small circle. Of course I remember these people and the memories aren’t unpleasant. But I have no idea how I felt about them and, even more to the point, how they felt about me. How high the defenses I built around myself must have been; still are! I moved through my life as if each chapter was a separate room and I firmly closed the door on each one. I took no high school friends with me to college. I took no college friends with me to work. It wasn’t until years later that I reconnected with one college friend who hadn’t really been my friend while I was IN college, so I’m not even quite sure how we got together. And now, 25 years have gone by since I’ve seen her! So I ask, what’s wrong with me? Last weekend, my cousins went to a massive reunion of people who grew up in East New York. Where is my past? Perhaps I’ll get a glimpse today.