Plans

Congratulations to fan Ellie on the upcoming December wedding of her daughter. I too opted for a December wedding and our 25th anniversary is coming up in a few weeks. We have no plans.

My husband swears he proposed to me and I accepted. As I recall it, I was in the bathroom in a hotel room in the Catskills when I overheard him talking to my mother and telling her we were getting married. (He also swears that we planned to have a baby a couple of years later while I am sure it was an accident after a Christmas party. Plan a child? I can’t plan a vacation!) But back to the wedding and my fear of plans…

Faced with the prospect of a deadline, I opted for one that would require immediate decisions, quick action and not a lot of room for discussion. I gave my mother six weeks. December, I thought; very atypical. No blushing June bride will I be. My mother almost fainted at the suggestion. A December wedding? It would snow. Her own November 30th wedding years ago with a tasteful reception a few weeks later covered Brooklyn in a blanket of white that would conceal the streets until spring. But I envisioned annual excuses to get away to a tropical island to celebrate one anniversary after another. (Yeah, that happened.)

The white gown was out. I’d been to a wedding at St. Patrick’s Cathedral where the bride wore a gown that rivaled Princess Di’s even though the happy couple had been living together for seven years. You needed a vacuum cleaner to get rid of the dirt that was dished in those pews. I vowed I would never set myself up for that ridicule. So we opted (I opted; I don’t recall my darling husband ever doing anything but smiling and agreeing in those days) for a small, funky wedding. I wore a dress with fringes and a tiny hat with veil that recalled bygone days. Mom took Don to Orchard Street to help him find a suit. We hired a jazz pianist to play at the reception in a trendy Park Slope restaurant and asked him to serenade us down the aisle at the Garfield Synagogue nearby. I don’t believe the man had ever been in a synagogue. Since I hadn’t planned anything special, he was left to his own devices on what to play. Given the fact that it was December he figured seasonal music was appropriate. My guests were seated to “Silent Night”. I don’t remember what we walked down the aisle to; there was an incessant pulsating in my ears at the time. I should look at the video! Since I was gaining a seven year old son in the arrangement, we invited all our cousins’ children, but I didn’t plan for anyone to watch them. Hence, they got bombed on sugary Shirley Temples and trashed the bathroom.

All this is to say that I am not a good planner. I can throw a dinner together in 15 minutes and a banquet if I have the time but I can’t choose the date for the banquet so my parties are all fairly spontaneous. I’d love to take a vacation but know that as soon as I commit to being somewhere else, the phone will ring with work I can’t accept because I planned a trip. Financial planning? Forget about it! You can’t make something out of nothing. Funeral planning? My take on that is about to come out in video. It’s called “Planning Ahead” and I’ll let you know where to find it. I planned to get up and go to the gym this morning but it is now 1:30 and I have to go to NYC.

If I have learned anything about plans it is that “Life is what happens to you when you plan something else.” I also like “Man plans and God laughs.” So go with the flow and keep your snow shoes by the door.

P.S.- Yes, it did snow on our wedding day.