Virus

I found myself leaning over the Geek Bar at Best Buy yesterday and saying nice things to my computer and the universe. Banging my head against the table and tying my stomach up in knots hadn’t worked so, as the Geek tried to find my missing system32/connect file, I did my best to send out positive vibes to whatever entity might be listening, not that I truly believe anyone or anything is actually listening but it had been one of those days… or weeks.

As the weekend started, I noticed I wasn’t getting all my emails. Some got through but the daily influx of store coupons, sale notices and other junk wasn’t showing up. I didn’t really miss them but, when two different people tried to send me scripts, I got concerned. By Monday I wasn’t getting anything and my own emails were going anywhere. I called my anti-virus-software customer service number. From 9 a.m. until after 2 p.m. I either sat on hold or worked with an agent. Then we made an appointment for a malware specialist for tomorrow; two whole days without email. I felt so violated! My little laptop that bothers no one and is an endless source of comfort, company and information has been attacked by no less than seven viruses!!! I left the house and decided this was a good day to return the Hefty bag filled with plastic since CT decided to levy water bottles. I got to the store looking like the Bad Santa and watched helplessly as the woman before me broke the machine. Okay, it wasn’t her fault. The machine’s internal sensors sensed the machine was full when it was empty. Another virus? I did some more errands, returned a bunch of other stuff on my way home: more bottles, the sneakers my husband thought looked good but really looked like aluminum foil. Exhausted, I collapsed on the couch and slept through ‘24’ and ‘Men of a Certain Age’. It’s good I slept. The day ended with a call from my son whose fever had spiked to 103. I was worried but it felt good to be needed. I drove to New Haven.

I’m not complaining, honestly. There are people in this world who are having a lot worse time of it than I am; people I know and people I don’t know. People with big problems like Haiti, homelessness, cancer. Smaller problems like acid reflux, kidney stones, post-surgical complications. One thing really concerns me: Newborn babies with acid reflux. I’d never heard of this. Now it seems to be commonplace. My acid reflux, developed only in the last few years, is brought on by stress and dietary issues like citrus, tomatoes, coffee and the like. Assuming those foods were not consumed by these newborns while still in the uterus I ask you, why are so many babies being born with acid reflux? Is it ‘Early Onset Aggravation”? Do they listen to the news while nestled in their mother’s womb and realize what they’re getting into? Did they hear the report last week that the debt per household is $100,000? (Or was that per person?) Even I had an acid attack when I heard that!

So I can’t get or send email; that shouldn’t be such a big deal. And yet I feel cut off from the universe and very helpless. Even now, as I type this in safe mode, I don’t know if I’ll be able to publish it. I may be talking to myself! Perhaps I’m always talking to myself…and my Mom. She’s my most loyal fan, even if she is disappointed in my grim outlook on life. But still, when your main source of communication to the outside world is cut off, you start to realize how you dependent you are on it, and how alone.