What Next

My “Nurse Jackie” episode aired last night and with it went my ability to say, “I’ve got a “Nurse Jackie” episode coming up.” In a business where success can be so fleeting, the question, “What have you been doing lately” is a loaded one. Ask a banker what he’s been up to and he’s likely to say, “Oh, I’m still with ‘Such-and Such” or I took a new job with “X, Y and Z”. But an actor, especially a New York actor, is lucky if the week is filled with just auditions. I’m happy if I get one a month! And a job…! Wow! If you are one of the few very lucky enough to be in a long running show or series, well, you have the key to the city! I had a key to the city once. I remember those days… strolling to the theatre at dusk. I owned the streets of New York on those walks. When all the ‘ordinary’ people were finishing their day, I was starting mine. Drinks at the theatre row bars afterwards. “I just saw you!” A working actor “belongs”. I belonged. I hate going to see shows, leaving the theatre with the rest of the audience and feeling like one more tourist. I want to wear a sign that says “I belong here”. I did a lunchtime theatre gig today, reading a short play opposite my husband, wringing out every last bit of my voice that has been largely absent for a few days now. Sick as a dog, I would not have given up the chance to perform. If I can crawl or squawk and you still want me, I’m there. Having an acting job is a misnomer. If a job is something you do everyday, that puts food on your table but has you looking forward to weekends and days off more than going to work, then acting is not a job; it is a pleasure. I had an acting pleasure today. I was on TV last night in a small but poignant acting pleasure on “Nurse Jackie”. But “Nurse Jackie” is over for me, and this lunchtime theatre thing is also over for now. So what am I doing…? “Well, I’ll be on “Jon Benjamin Has a Van” this summer. Do you get Comedy Central? “