Then They Came for the Peanuts

When did the world get so vulnerable? We’re all so worried about global warming; well those of us who don’t believe it’s a hoax are worried about global warming; the rest are worried that they may have to give something up because of the possibility that it might be true. But, global warming aside, perhaps the world won’t be undone by melting polar caps or any catastrophic event. Perhaps neither terrorists nor weapons of any sort of destruction will be the cause of our ultimate demise. Perhaps it will be… (drumroll) THE PEANUT!

Who poisoned the nuts? If you have a nut allergy, or know or love someone who has a peanut allergy, I am probably about to offend you. Deal with it.

We got to Newark Airport this morning, brooked the extra security, removed our shoes, our belts, our electronics, surrendered our Fruit 2-O, were scanned and chatted with and eventually passed through to the waiting area where we purchased replacements for the confiscated water. We got on the plane and I started looking forward to those tiny packets of smokehouse almonds they would eventually give out when a cheery voice announced: “Welcome aboard flight 503. We have a severe nut allergy on board and ask that all passengers refrain from consuming any nuts or any products that contain nuts.” There was a collective gasp. (Okay, just my family gasped.) (Okay, just my husband and I gasped.) “When we begin our cabin service, we will not be serving any nut products.” No almonds?! The announcement continued, “This means we will not be serving our almonds, our cashews or our chocolate chunk cookies.” WHAT????!!!! NO CHOCOLATE CHUNK COOKIES?! WHAT ARE THEY GOING TO SERVE, LETTUCE? “Please refer to our in-flight guide for a list of what’s left.” I was appalled. They had plantain chips.

Where was this person who was allergic to nuts? What row was he or she in? Surely there must be a limit on how far an airborne nut fragment could go! Otherwise the world would be a very dangerous place! And when was the last time you saw a packaged food that did NOT come with the warning, “This product may have been prepared on machinery that is sometimes used for nut products.” (Or something to that effect; I’m too lazy to get up and look at a package.) I was starving! I had been up since 5:00 a.m. and had neglected to bring a snack but, of course, if I had brought a snack I wouldn’t have been able to eat it since it would most likely have contained nuts!

This was injustice. If it were a show and the star was out, we would have been able to get our money back! Of course we wouldn’t have seen the play; in this case, we wouldn’t have gotten to Florida but, still, we would have had the option! So here’s my question: how did this happen? What if a person with a severe allergy to dogs was on that plane? Would Minnie Feinberg have been expected to surrender her seizure dog to the baggage compartment? Would Pierre La Peupeu have been expected to relinquish his prize Pomeranian to the clutches of the baggage handlers? Or would Mr. and Mrs. “It’ll Make Me Sneeze” be expected to take a Zyrtec, keep their epi-pens handy and DEAL WITH IT! Would anyone have even asked?

I am… well never mind how old I am. I have personally never witnessed an allergic reaction to nuts. In my day, if peanut butter and jelly weren’t on the menu, more than half the school kids would have gone without lunch. How much tuna-fish can one child be expected to eat? PB&J was the perfect food! You could have grape jelly one day, strawberry jam the next, and for those who didn’t confuse those solid things with anything from the natural world, orange marmalade next! Endless variety, gone because one child in somebody else’s class who doesn’t even eat lunch at the same time has a peanut allergy! SO I ask again, HOW DID IT GET SO BAD? And what is next….
First they came for my grapes but I could do without grapes so I stayed silent. Then they came for the peanuts but I didn’t like peanut butter so I said nothing. Then they came for the meat but I was planning to become a vegetarian. Then they came for…. And on and on and on…

“Once there was a mighty people… but they poisoned their own food and starved to death.”