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An alarm clock is an unnecessary item for the chronically unemployed. I wake up every hour or so throughout the night anyway, look over at the bright red digital read-out (Have you ever noticed how that LCD can light up an entire room? I cover mine with unfiled papers so that looking at the time requires effort) and calculate how many times I will have to turn over to make it to the morning. Turning over also requires effort because I sleep with a pillow at my side to keep me from hurting my lower back so that every time I want to roll over I have to move the pillow. I have a stupid pillow: one of those memory foam things that weighs 10 pounds and when I flip it to the other side I knock everything off my nightstand, causing my husband, in his own semi-sleepless state, to yell "Jesus Christ!" when everything on the nightstand crashes to the floor. Then I try to lie there without moving at all so I don't disturb him again and my back starts to hurt. When morning does come, exhausted by the lack of sleep, I calculate how much longer I can lay there before anyone will miss me. I pick up a mental machete to cut through the fog that keeps coherent thought at a distance, and try to remember what day of the week it is. Today is Wednesday. I have to get up tomorrow for a doctor’s appointment. Roll over.

It is 8 a.m. and my husband is already on the couch in the den with his laptop. I think he is playing Solitaire but he could be trying to put himself back to sleep with Facebook. Not to be outdone, I get back into bed with my own laptop. I figure one game of solitaire will put me back to sleep; I am already bleary-eyed. It doesn’t work. Two hours and 10,000 Pogo points later (courtesy of McDonald’s McCafe Express Wednesdays) I am bored to death with games. I start looking at the headlines on my home page:

“Roman Polanski loses first round in extradition battle”. Many thoughts spring to mind; things like “Enough already” and “Run, Roman, Run”. Now I don’t believe he can run; he’s locked up, right? But wasn’t there already talk, years ago, about getting him back to the states to get rid of these charges once and for all? There’s a documentary out there that lays all the groundwork for dismissal. Of course no one is in favor of pedophilia… except perhaps pedophiles… but really, what kind of mother brings her nubile daughter to the home of a famous director, leaves her there unattended, and doesn’t know what she’s putting into motion? Did she think they’d have Ovaltine and a nice chat? Puh-leeze!

"Big Japanese brands readying 3-D flat-screen TVs". Just what we need. As if HD weren’t enough, now the images have to jump right out at you. I turned on our 47” LCD-display-monster the other day and the colors were so vibrant it took me fifteen minutes to realize I was watching an actual football game instead of my son’s X-box. I kept wondering why the game console wasn’t working. He recently moved in with a friend near school whose living room is about the size of a master bathroom. In it they have a TV so large and bright you can watch it from the yard more comfortably that from the sofa. Make that 3-D and, if a linebacker comes at you, you will actually bleed.

“What would Jesus do…on Facebook?” Okay, I have nothing. I’m actually speechless.

"ML Baseball post-season: Follow the action online." Why would I do that? I still can’t figure that out. If I have access to a television and can watch it for free, why would I want to follow the action online. I’m already getting the action. I have, on occasion, tried to get the action when I was away from a TV but in possession of a computer. It costs money! Once again, why would I want to pay for something when I can get it for free? So I listen to the game on the radio and still have my computer available for, say… work! And the beauty part of that model is that I get to use a part of my brain that would be otherwise dormant: my imagination. Like reading a book, listening to the radio conjures up visions and images that sometimes even more incredilble than the real thing. Case in point: sports moderators on TV are forty time more boring than those on radio! Still, the Yankees start the playoffs tonight against a hopefully exhausted Minnesota Twins. I’ll be watching… on TV… on my 47” LCD-display-monster… Is there time to get that in 3-D?