Surprise

My in-laws‘ priest called during dinner. As soon as I saw the caller ID I was on alert. When he told me who he was I was sure someone was dead. But it was good news; an invitation to a surprise party being given by the Holy Name Society in honor of my father-in-law’s 90th birthday. (It’s safe to write that here. Neither of my in-laws has any access to nor interest in computers.) Why anybody would surprise a 90 year old man is beyond me but it’s a really nice gesture. I just hope the shock doesn’t kill him!

I’ve always loved surprises but have never been the victim of a successful one. I gave my husband a surprise party once and managed to get him to the restaurant without arousing the least bit of suspicion… until we pulled in to the parking lot and grabbed a spot next to his parents’ car, identifiable because they placed an orange ping pong ball on their antenna so they would always be able to find their car in a parking lot. Still, he seemed genuinely surprised. His parents never went anywhere so he figured some other nut must drive the same car with the same ball. It’s amazing what the mind can ignore.

My husband tried to surprise me for one of my birthdays and it was an unmitigated disaster. It started when he drove me into NYC and delivered me to a beautiful room on a high floor of the Marriott Hotel overlooking Times Square where he informed me that he was only keeping me company for a while because my mother’s plane was late. I looked at him. “We’re in this hotel room and you’re not staying but my mother is on her way?” Okay…. Mom’s excitement about surprising me in NY had collided with her anxiety about traveling and she fainted on the plane causing the airline to re-rout the flight to Baltimore for her medical emergency. Convincing them that she was all right and needed to get to New York, she arrived in time for us to race to the five-star restaurant she’d chosen for my birthday, scarf down a hasty gourmet dinner with a side of indigestion, and grab a cab to the theatre to see the hottest show in town. She had paid a scalper $500 for two tickets. I thought she was nuts. The cab got stuck in traffic and we had to run the last two blocks to the theatre. The lights were dimming as we ran up the stairs to the next to last row of the balcony. My Mom had just turned 72 and I would turn 50 the next day if I survived the climb. We collapsed in our seats as the overture began. Had the show not been hilarious, we probably would have gotten thrown out because, finally seated, we got hysterical. The insanity of our marathon hit us and we got hysterical. Luckily, it was “The Producers”, so our hysteria was masked by genuine hilarity. But, in truth, we would have laughed as hard if the play had been “Death of a Salesman”. The disaster continued the next day when my brother picked us up in NY for the drive back to CT and the surprise party. His car overheated in Harlem, we had to find a gas station. We got back on the road and the engine light came on again. His AAA card had lapsed. His EZ Pass expired so we got pulled over at the bridge. My cell phone did work so we called my husband to explain why we were several hours late. Now he was hysterical because the house was full of people missing their “surprisee”: me. No one yelled anything when I finally pulled into the driveway. Some of them were leaving when I arrived; others would drift in and out over the next several hours; he’d planned an open house! How can you have a surprise open house?

I do remember a great surprise party that my cousin’s wife gave for him. He opened the front door to his house and was literally blown backward on to his ass and his doorstep when everybody yelled. He was just 35 and he spent most of the night trying to recover. Dad’s going to be 90! Is this really a good idea? Time will tell. I’d put an orange ball on my antenna but they don’t make cars with antennas anymore. If he doesn’t make it, at least we won’t have to look for a priest. He’ll be right there… looking very guilty.

By the way, if you speak to Dad, DON"T SAY ANYTHING!!!!!!!!!