There was a spider on my wall as I came into my bedroom. It was about an inch long with black stripes on its brown body… I think. I instantly recoiled and, being nearsighted, its hard to be sure. I was more than half undressed but there was no time to delay. I grabbed a tissue and, topless, advanced on the ugly creature. I paused, thinking about my newly painted walls and, in a flash, he was gone, dropped down some silky escape rope and scurried to safety under the radiator. I found a can of bug spray under the bathroom sink and saturated the area. Immediately my eye spied another spider, this one ambling across the wall above the window that is behind my bed, right where I lay my head. This was serious! Did you see “Nurse Jackie” this week? If you don’t watch this show, you’re missing something special. This week, a patient came into the ER with a spider in each ear! Inside his head! He could feel them moving around! The nurse, who had arachnophobia said “What, do you live in the woods?” I live in the woods! These spiders are not moving in to my ears! I climbed on to the bed, spray can in one hand, tissue in the other, and again, the spider dropped and disappeared, this time behind the bed. I sprayed the space between the wall and my bed frame, wondering how long it would take me and my husband to die from these fumes. I have to tell you, I don’t have any confidence that this is over. Surely these spiders feel my paranoia. Perhaps they met on the floor and, gasping for breath after being gassed by the Ortho Roach, Ant and Spider Killer (no subtlety in that brand name!) they are planning their revenge! They are amassing an army beneath my bed and I will end up covered in spiders like that Charlton Heston movie with the Marabunda only those were man-eating ants! I read for a while, one eye scanning the walls for moving dots. My eyelids grew heavy, and then…
Well, goodnight!